Rotten Library > Biographies > Icons of Business > Ronald McDonald

Ronald McDonald

McDonald's spokesclown and international symbol of American imperialism.

Ronald was retooled in 1966 by advertising genius Barry Klein and Ringling Bros. clown Michael "Coco" Polakovs.

Ronald loves McDonald's and McDonald's food. And so do children because they love Ronald. Remember, children exert a phenomenal influence when it comes to restaurant selection. This means that you should do everything you can to appeal to children's love for Ronald and McDonald's.

Geoffrey Giuliano

I have had people with us who seriously proposed that we plant spies in the operations of our competition. Can you imagine? Next thing we'd learn that Ronald McDonald is a double agent! -- Ray Kroc, Grinding It Out

Timeline

`1963`	Willard Scott stars as Ronald McDonald in the clown's first commercial, for a local television station.
`25 Nov 1966`	Ronald McDonald makes his national debut in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
`1974`	The first Ronald McDonald House opens in Philadelphia. Soon the clown has estates all throughout the country and world (11 in 1979, 71 in 1984, 200+ at present).
`25 Apr 1977`	McDonald's Corporation requests an injunction forbidding former Ronald and recently outed queer Bob Brandon from dressing as Ronald McDonald or implying in any way that the spokesclown is homosexual.
`1981`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from Theta Pond at Oklahoma State University.
`1988`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Melbourne.
`1988`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a bus stop in Wollongong, Australia and another disappears from a McDonald's in Mt. Gravatt, Australia.
`12 Aug 1988`	Mac and Me released in theaters. This horrible, low-budget ripoff of E.T.: The Extraterrestrial was financed by McDonald's and the Coca-Cola Company. It also features Ronald McDonald as himself.
`Oct 1988`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Sacramento, California. The next day, a group calling itself the Partiers League for Christmas Cookie Liberation sends a photo of the statue with a ransom note. They demand free cookies for any child under 8 years of age who visits the restaurant on Christmas Eve.
`16 Jun 1991`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Mesa, Arizona. The next day, an anonymous vegetarian phones The Arizona Republic to demand meatless sandwiches at the restaurant. The statue is later found burning in the desert by a sheriff's helicopter crew.
`1995`	Protesters steal a Ronald McDonald statue in China and toss it into a sewage pond.
`1997`	A Mayor McCheese statue disappears from a McDonald's in Ft. Myers, Florida. It is found more than two weeks later inside an apartment.
`6 May 1997`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Brandon, Mississippi. It is found two weeks later lying in a ditch.
`4 Mar 1998`	Four men dressed like the Hamburglar steal a Ronald McDonald statue from a McDonald's in Saint-Jean-de-Vedas, France. They leave a message behind: Humanitarian intervention. Ronald McDonald rots away your guts and pollutes your head. React. Deliver the planet from this blight.
`29 Aug 1999`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in South Bend, Indiana.
`Oct 1999`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from his bench outside a McDonald's in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. It is recovered a week later in a south Illinois forest.
`2000`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from the Ronald McDonald House in Charleston, South Carolina. It is later found dismembered.
`2000`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Normal, Illinois, making it the third time in five years.
`Oct 2000`	The Ronald McDonald statue outside a McDonald's in Cape Girardeau, Missouri disappears again. It is recovered seven months later in a barn.
`7 Mar 2001`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from the Ronald McDonald House in Billings, Montana. It is found lynched the next morning, hanging from a tree in Pioneer Park.
`20 Sep 2001`	A swastika appears on the forehead of the Ronald McDonald statue in front of the Ronald McDonald House in Tucson, Arizona.
`26 Oct 2001`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Leongatha, Australia.
`23 Jan 2002`	In France, Ronald McDonald is replaced by French comic book hero Asterix as the McDonald's mascot.
`Mar 2003`	A Ronald McDonald statue is decapitated at a McDonald's in Rochefort, France.
`16 Mar 2003`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from the Ronald McDonald House in Charleston, South Carolina. It is later found intact lying on the side of road.
`19 Mar 2003`	A protester shoves his toy gun in the face of the Ronald McDonald statue in front of a McDonald's in Jakarta, Indonesia.
`20 Mar 2003`	Protesters steal a Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Quito, Ecuador and taken to the U.S. Embassy, where it is burned.
`2 May 2003`	In San Jose, California, 4-year-old Joey Roberts wedges his head into the crotch of a life-sized Ronald McDonald statue. McDonald's employees finally release him after 35 minutes using a quantity of liquid soap.
`Jun 2003`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Tamuning, Guam.
`28 Aug 2003`	McDonald's Corporation promotes Ronald McDonald to the newly-formed position of Chief Happiness Officer. According to the company's press release: "Throughout his 40-year career with McDonald's, Ronald has become a magical friend to children of all ages, and has worked tirelessly to make the world a better place."
`11 Sep 2003`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Auburn, Alabama.
`12 Sep 2003`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from a McDonald's in Ft. Myers, Florida.
`Nov 2003`	A Ronald McDonald statue disappears from McDonald's headquarters in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. Police arrest Michael Carmon Coomer for the crime a few weeks later.

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